Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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