He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
