I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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