I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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