The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
is that a dick in a sweater?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
