They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
