I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
