i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
fuck your aforementioned shoe
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
