Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
