Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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