i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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