Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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