Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I won't apologize to a one balled man
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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