Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
