i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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