Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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