Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
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IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
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She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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