He kissed a someone with a penis
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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