Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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