Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
