yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
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