I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
