All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
