Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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