Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
