life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
