Christians are straight up FREAKS
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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