he wants to bone in the snuggie
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
