U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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