Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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