Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
