i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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