god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
