Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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