tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
