im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
