My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
