I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
