i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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