I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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