her vagine was all disorganized.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
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BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
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I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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