It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
