Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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