ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
