guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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