Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
