I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
