haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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