Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
