I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
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There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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