Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Drake has all the answers
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
