Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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