if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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