not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
