Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
