if only i could text you this smell
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
