you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
