Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
