facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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