You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
its not stalking. its research.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
