At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
