Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
