I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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