I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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